Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Great Assistant Search

Boo-yah party animals!

What's happening? Rich Morning here, with another captivating blog post. Today there's one pressing matter on the agenda:

The Rich Morning Show (World Premier November 17th, 2008) is looking for an assistant!

That's right! Have you ever dreamed of following instructions? Humiliating yourself for the amusement of others? Dancing while someone fires a pistol at your feet? Do you consider yourself a follower, and not a leader? Are you willing to put your own aspirations on hold in order to fulfill every whim of a megalomaniacal celebrity ostrich?

If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes', 'maybe' or even 'not at all', then you could be the assistant I'm looking for!

-You must be at least 3 feet or taller.
-You must be able to operate machinery such as farm equipment and espresso machines.
-You must be able to dance the Charleston, the Box Waltz and the Running Man proficiently.
-You must be licensed and certified to perform CPR and emergency medical techniques.
-Must be able to speak English (for help, check out: GymGlish)
-Preference given to marine mammals.

Voila! Please send a photo of yourself as well as a brief description of your skills and abilities to: richmorningATgmailDOTcom.
Winner will be chosen primarily based on looks.

Please, no fat chicks



Anonymous P-the-S said...

Hey Rich,
I am a marine mammal, I know how to dance, to make coffee, I can spin a ball on my nose for about 12 hours, and I love you RIch. The only thing is that I can't speak (my sister helped me out on this post). Can you take me for a 10 day trial? (expected salary : 7 fishes a day)
Thanks Rich
P the S

July 15, 2008 at 12:52 PM  
Anonymous Rich said...

Well P-Dizzle, I'll have to have you in for an audition, but so far I like what I hear...

Of course I'll need to see a headshot, but your terms of payment sound reasonable, and the Rich Morning Show staff always keeps fresh sea bass in stock. I'll call you!

July 15, 2008 at 2:37 PM  
Anonymous Helmut said...

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Helmut Thorsblud and I'm a fisherman from Sollefteå in Ångermanland. I'm currently in between fishing trips as there are currently no more fish in the sea to fish. My hobbies include seal clubbing and whale butchery. Any chance of a job?
Tack så mycket

July 15, 2008 at 4:17 PM  

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