Thursday, August 28, 2008

Merchandising- I love it!

Today I had another long and boring talk with my agent Ron "The Camel" Goldstein and the network execs. I keep trying to spice these meetings up with a bit of birdseed and some malt liquor, but Ron insists that I be sober for at least the first 5 minutes of each meeting. He gives me that long face as if to say "Can't you go three weeks without drinking?". Sorry Ron, we can't all be perfect camels like you.

Ron in the parking lot behind the studio

Anyhow, today's main topic of discussion was merchandising, or as we in the industry like to call it 'merch'. For those of you that don't work in the biz, 'merch' is crappy stuff that the Chinese produce for peanuts (literally) and we stick our name on, in the hopes of making even more moolah out of our loyal fans. Today I approved a list of potential items to be licensed by the Rich Morning Show. Here is a sample:

Rich Morning Show brand Snow Shoes
Rich Morning brand Fish Food
Rich Morning Show Pogs
Rich Morning Show Brand Paprika (the official paprika of the Rich Morning Show)
Rich Morning Show Fire Extinguishers (Safety first!)
Rich Morning Show Action Figures (Rich Morning and Pavel The Assistant approved, Ron "the Camel" Goldstein, rejected)
Rich Morning Show brand hackey sacks
Rich Morning Show bling bling (my idea)

Rich Morning Show condoms (It's a family show!)
Rich Morning Show Single Malt Whiskey (Maybe next year)
Rich Morning Show brand Laxatives (Ron's idea)
Rich Morning Show brand USB dongles (That's right I said dongle!)
Rich Morning Show brand Toothpaste
Rich Morning Show keychains
Rich Morning Show Shower Caps and Hair Nets
Rich Morning Show Cereal

As you can see by this list, my integrity is essential in my decision-making. That's potentially my name on those laxatives, and so I feel a responsibility to ensure that they are effective. It's my tail feathers on the line here!

Be on the lookout for these items in the very near future at all Rich Morning Show approved outlets and retailers.

Peace out!



Monday, August 18, 2008

Long time no see

I don't know if you noticed, but I haven't posted in a while. Apologies in advance for all those who threw themselves off of bridges and other monuments.

Why haven't I blogged? Here are 4 excellent reasons:

I really don't care about stuff. You know, Generation X and all that. I make no apologies for it.

I've recently undergone major reconstructive surgery (beak enlargement) which required a three-week period of non-blogging and martini consumption.

Along with a few giraffe producers, I've been supervising the casting for the Rich Morning Show. I'll explain more in future posts, but I will tell you that I've found a new assistant, and let's just say he has a mustache and smells like fish (and no it's not your mother).

That's right, even the hardest working ostrich in show business needs to take a break once in a while. I'll be sharing some memories and photos of my holidays in future posts, so stay tuned.

The good news is, Rich is back, baby, and tanner than ever. I'll see you animals real soon!