Monday, October 27, 2008

Fan Testimonials: part 1

Hello fans, well-wishers and former lovers,

Let me introduce a new segment to my already world-famous blog. It's called 'Fan Testimonials' and it's going to blow your mind. Here's is how it works. I show you a fan telling the world how great I am, then you appreciate it. If necessary, I will translate. Got it? Let's get started:

Shamu says: Rich, for the love of god, please get me out of this wet aquarium and into a dry martini! I'll be at your show on the 19th. Besos,

Rich says: Thanks baby. I'll save a gift bag for you. Stay cool. Don't let those wacky dolphins get you down with all their high-pitched communicating.


Stealing my idea

Now that the Rich Morning show (world premiere November 19th on televisions everywhere) is building some major buzz (check out the new site), everyone is trying to get in on the action. Just check out Marky Mark trying to get information from some of my key demographic:

The joke's on you, Mark! Those animals are under strict instructions from my team of lawyers not to disclose any information about my show or anything else for that matter. Ha! Good luck trying to get that chicken to reveal the secrets of my program. Oh, and Mark, say hello to your mother for me!


Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Aunt Doris wishes everyone a safe fire prevention week


Monday, October 13, 2008

Time is running out!

Only a little more than one month remaining before the debut of The Rich Morning Show!

As you can see, my audience is mobilizing from far and wide to get to Los Angeles in time for the premiere! Click to see my migrating friends in action.

Well-dressed fans from Brazil

Confused Swans in Canada

Impatient Weiner Dogs From Miami

Look at them! They're all in a hurry. I would reserve my seat now if I were you but what do I know, I'm just a talking ostrich with my own tv show.

Toodles, Poodles.

Oh, and if you find Gary, tell him that he should take a left on Sunset blvd.



Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sorry...for being fantastic!

Shana Tova Animals!

In honor of my agent Ron 'the Camel' Goldstein, and as part of my plea bargain agreement with the State of California supreme court, I would like to wish all of my Jewish animal friends a Shana Tova... whatever that means.

Wikipedia tells me that Rosh Hashana is the Jewish new year, though that doesn't make any sense because it's October! Every animal knows that the only legitimate holidays this time of year are Fire Prevention Week, Oktoberfest (yay!), and to a lesser extent, Ramadan.

But seriously animals... what's with all this non-sense?

Ron also tells me that at the end of the week he'll be celebrating another wacky jew holiday called Yom Kippur... (It sounds like a tribe of fish, doesn't it?). Apparently, on this day animals ask for atonement for everything bad they've done the entire year.

Well animals, I've done a lot of bad things in the past year that probably shouldn't be described here, including blatantly failing Dan the Dufus' fire prevention checklist , but still I would like to apologize... for being awesome!

Take care animals, and my good friend Sparky the Fire Dog reminds you to 'watch what you heat!'