Saturday, January 31, 2009

No More Geckos (or Rich's New Year's Resolutions part II)

It has been exactly 1 month since New Year's (and by the way my head still hurt from all that coconut juice), but still, it's important to remember our new year's resolutions. Here it is, the second installment of my list.

No more Geckos.

That's it. It's very simple, but I am through with Geckos. I'm over them. I never want to see another Gecko in my life. Done. Kaput. Finito los Geckos. Why? Well here are several reasons.

Image by Yves Rubin -"

1. You can't trust them. Despite their cute smile, Geckos are dishonest, untrustworthy and a racist against ostriches and other big birds such as pelicans. That's a fact. I once asked a Gecko to buy me a Diet Fanta and he came back with a Diet Fresca. Pure racism. I rest my case.

2. They don't look you in the eye, and frequently stick out their tongue at you. Am I the only one that cares about manners?

3. A gecko married my high school sweetheart. And I will never, ever forgive you Gordon Gecko! Never!

So, there it is. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to stay away from Geckos. Are there any animals you don't like? Are afraid of? Stole your girl or boyfriend? Let me know in my comment box.

Enjoy your February, animals.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Did you miss me?

I missed me too. I've taken a few days off to just chill out, relax and bask in the success of my hit television program, now enjoyed by 200 or so loyal animal viewers, not including zoo plankton, who are fast becoming my biggest smallest fans. Don't worry though, I'll be back in your faces (beaks, jaws and muzzles) soon enough with a few fantastic photos and some witty cyber-banter.

Peace to all my geese in the middle east,

Monday, January 19, 2009

Where are the drawings of me?

Only 5 drawings! and one of them isn't even me, it's an Austrian kid named Franz!

I'm very upset. Ron Goldstein has been trying to calm me down with bubble baths and bubble gum, two of my favorite bubble-based substances, however I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to take this for much longer. Without your drawings of me, how will my fragile self-esteem survive? Without your drawings of me, what will I put in my time capsule for the aliens to discover thousands of years from now when they have conquered earth and enslaved all the robots? Bottom line: I need more drawings of me.

Please send them to me... I promise I will post them and talk about them. Remember, first prize is a live one on one conversation with me!*

Start your engines, penguins!

*Conditions apply. Conversation may not actually happen.

Peace out!

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Picture Contest submissions

Good job people! I've received several new submissions for my contest. Keep sending them in, and remember to include your name, age, and the type of animal you are (if applicable) or like!

Check out the first batch of pictures here, or use the link in my new Features section in the sidebar.

Keep 'em coming, you little Frida Kahlos.

P.S.: Here's a sample, just to let you know what the competition is like:

'Surreal Rich', by Adrien Soullier, human, age 13. Favorite animal: Cheetah.


Monday, January 12, 2009

Picture contest!

You've seen me on television, on the magical internets, in the pages of GIANT EGG magazine and even in the blockbuster film 'Planet of the Ostriches'. Some of you have even had the pleasure of waking up next to me, but how many of you know exactly what I look like? None of you!

Now is your chance to take an educated guess! Send me your drawings... (of me) of course! Winner will receive a chance to meet me in person (on the phone, with my lawyer present).

Here's a drawing to get you started:
by Ed Strong the Elephant, age 13

Post your drawings in the comment section, or email me at richmorningATgmailDOTcom (replace AT with @ and DOT with .)

Good luck, you little Picassos!

Labels: ,

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Rich's Mailbag, part.3

Hello animals!

Since the debut of my show in November, I've received thousands of questions from curious humans and animals about me, my life, my show and my diet. It's time for me to answer some of those questions. Let's get started!

Q: Is Rich your real name, or is it a fake Hollywood name?

A: Good question! To be completely honest, my full name is Ricardo Longneck Rupert Morning IV. I come from a long line of Ricardos. The family legend is that one of my ancestors had an affair with a South American goose, and since then we have some fiery Latin American blood in our feathers.

My agent Ron Goldstein, formerly Ronald Hymen Lifshitz Goldstein, recommended that I choose a sexier American name for marketing purposes. Thus was born: Rich Morning!

Q: Rich, what did you do for the holidays? Did you have a merry Christmas and a happy new year? Did you play in the snow with Pavel?

A: Well, in Los Angeles, we don't get a lot of snow, but we do have a lot of smog. For Christmas, me and a couple of my animal friends (Tina the Turtle, Otto the Otter and Pavel the Seal) went to the tanning salon and soaked up some harmful UV rays. After, we went to a Chinese place for pizza. Then Tina broke out the TWISTER board and we played until the wee hours of the night. Best...Christmas...Ever.

By the way, Pavel cheats at TWISTER. It's not cool.

Q. Who is your favorite Star Wars character?

A: It's a tie between Admiral Akbar and the Wampa from the ice planet Hoth. Also enjoyed the sand people.

Q: If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would it be?

A: In order of importance: Vito Corleone, Buddha, Beyonce, the inventor of the marshmallow, and Marie Curie.

Another great set of questions, animals! Keep them coming! See you soonish.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Rich's New Year Resolutions pt.1

Happy New Year people!

Rich is back and better than ever in 2009. As a special gift this year for all my beloved viewers and readers, I have decided to give you my top 5 new year's resolutions on my blog.

Today, resolution #1: Make friends with as many whales as possible. As you know, whales, much like myself, are fantastic. They are big, eat plankton, and occasionally swallow people, all of which make them the perfect friends to bring home to your mother.

I'm happy to say that my new year is off to a fabulous start because during my winter holiday in Jamaica I met a sperm whale named Willie that has a special ability, and I'm not talking about his amazing echolocation abilities or his passionate hatred for the giant squid.

Here he is, my new best friend, Willie the Wailer, singing a special song just for the audience of the Rich Morning Show. Enjoy!